Out of the maze of too soft
Out of the maze of “too soft”
Ms. Ma is enthusiastic and helpful, and is even more happy with her husband.
However, in recent years, her husband has been suffering from alcoholism and is often drunk. Sometimes, she even speaks ill of her, even adding fists.
Friends and family advised her to divorce, but she was always unable to make up her mind because she was “too soft”.
Even so, the husband did not have the slightest intention of repentance, and his bad habits remained the same.
She said that she was suffering and had suicidal heart.
Zhang Lin has many younger siblings, and some are still in the countryside.
For his brother and sister, he had to postpone the marriage period again and again, until several brothers and sisters’ work and study were “properly” resolved with his help.
However, the younger brothers and sisters still looked for him for three days and two days. Today, he said that the job is not suitable, and I hope to help find another ideal job. Tomorrow, he said that the teaching method in the school is not suitable for him, and he asked him to help change the school.
This life caused his wife’s dissatisfaction, saying that he always liked to be the protector of his brother and sister, so that his brother and sister gradually developed the habit of dependence.
For this reason, he often quarrels with his wife. He is confused and says, “In addition to my family who can help them, who else can help them, do I just stop helping my siblings?
Psychological needs of those with “soft hearts” There are many similarities between these two people: those who are considered by others or themselves to be “soft hearts” are often roles that people need.
They cannot realize that they are caring for their psychological needs with the love and care given to others, and are proud of all their “dedication”.
Therefore, when they are not grateful or accused by others afterwards, they will complain in their hearts that the serious ones will even murder the objects (such as lovers or husbands and wives) who are most engaged in their emotions and cannot continue to manipulate them.
If they suppress this resentment for a long time, they will most likely become patients with physical and mental illness.
Many psychological experts at home and abroad have analyzed the mentality of “too soft-hearted” people, thinking that they have an excessive tendency to rely on personality, but they always think that they are the object of others’ dependence.
People with this personality tendency are usually related to childhood life experiences.
In childhood, they are often the boss of the family, and they always play the role of “little father” or “little mother” among many siblings.
Therefore, in their young minds, only with this kind of care and help for their siblings and behaviors can they adapt to their family environment and get praise from their parents.
Their basic desire is to be loved, and the most basic fear is to be afraid of being rejected.
Therefore, they often feel that “I always care about others and try my best to love others, but often I don’t get the understanding and love of others.
弱 Weakness of character of “too soft” Weakness of character of emotional dependence is most easily manifested in intimate relationships.
They often choose their spouses carelessly and fall in love with people who are “not so well matched”. Despite their dissatisfaction, they still cannot extricate themselves, and believe that they are “infatuated” and “too soft”.
Because their personality tends to be emotionally dependent, they usually regard their “love” as the highest realm of life, manifested as overzealous, overly friendly, and full of goodwill in everything.
Always pay great attention and approval to others, even flattery.
They want to get people to rely on them and feel they are indispensable.
They do things for others, they don’t care what is the most beneficial to others, and often make others feel a sense of debt.
They will create other people’s various needs for them, and they will overwhelm the needs and needs of others. They will rely on others to feel attached to their own debt.
Therefore, their pain is caused by excessive care and care for others.
Some people who are “too soft-hearted” gradually become depressed and angry when they do not get the expected return, and eventually make themselves victims of physical and mental illness.
Although they have undergone various tests, the results are not harmful, but they will insist that they are seriously ill and seek medical treatments everywhere. In the subconscious, they always want to see others to pay attention to themselves and get more love in return.
In marital relationships, people who have a tendency to become emotionally dependent often become “sacrifice” and take care of their spouses as pets, resulting in excessive dependence on spouse life.
But sometimes, they also become angry because of the overreliance of each other, causing conflicts between spouses.
In the parent-child relationship, they take too much care and doting of their children, even autocracy, do not allow children to have their own opinions, adversely affect the child’s personality development, and often cultivate children with poor independent living skills and children with dependent personality disorders.
Improve your insights and defeat yourself Some love can be suffocating.
Therefore, “love” sometimes causes harm.
Many marriage troubles and pains are caused by ignorance of others or of themselves.
Although our subconscious is affected by childhood life experience and genetic factors, we can explore ways of psychological behavior to avoid being harmed by inappropriate behavior due to lack of self-awareness.
Therefore, when you are in a psychological conflict or have a feeling of resentment, you need to be aware of your motives consciously, and understand whether your motives are mixed with some psychological factors that are not easy to detect.Although your starting point in consciousness is usually well-intentioned, you may still hide different needs and ego deep in your heart.
Therefore, looking back on yourself, the love that is usually given to others is still suitable for others, is it the real needs of others, or I hope that others always have a grateful heart for themselves, and want to get more attention and love from them.
Otherwise, you become a controller who both loves and hates, and no one is willing to live in your control forever.
If the love in your heart is sincere, believe that true love will never run out.
True love involves knowing how to keep others independent, preventing unconscious control of others’ behaviors, and giving others the opportunity to express their opinions.
In this way, you and his talents may show true self.
By understanding the causes of your own desires, fears, and even anger, and exploring the true meaning behind your own behavior, you will be able to perceive some alternative psychological factors in your personality, avoid conflicts with others or your own heart, and consciously cause distress, renewedRebuilding a healthy self.